How Do You Define Giving?
“To see a world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wildflower; to hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.”
William Blake
There was an article posted today that said 3 out of 4 parents believed their kids were spoiled, and I ask you – is this REALLY true?
Sure, it’s the holidays and the media is focusing on conspicuous consumption. Does it happen? Yes. No doubt. There are plenty of stories of lottery winners who go broke, or people who receive multi-million dollar settlements who pretend to care in order to gain access to inner circles, but are only using that money to “win friends and influence people” so that they feel special – an ego need. Unfortunately, when the money runs out, so does their kindness and badmouthing begins. As one person told me (who is still dealing with litigation): if you take the bait, you have to deal with the consequences. I guess both sides need to learn a lesson in this.
You might wonder what makes me qualified to comment on this. So, I will give you a brief snapshot. As a child, I saw many things. As an attorney, I heard more. As a humanitarian, I saw the gulf. As a spiritual being, I am being called to speak out.
The media paints many pictures and unless you think, you never see what is beyond the veil. So where does this fit in with the story that has me reeling. EVERYTHING. In particular, their underlying assumption of why people give gifts. Specifically, they define giving as a way of appeasement. Someone whines, so they are placated by a gift. Hence, giving leads to entitlement. This is true in the political world, but it does not translate into the microcosm – the family.
So, the media makes a fatal logical error. Proposition A: giving gifts is appeasement. Proposition B: parents give gifts to their children. Hence Conclusion: parents give gifts to appease their children.
Folks, it doesn’t work that way. Giving gifts is a matter of the heart and intention. In some systems, like the political one, it is understood. But families, and in particular, the parent-child relationship it is unique, unto itself.
Let me give you an example, as a girl, I lived in a “rich” neighborhood – next door neighbor, CEO of Pepsi, across the woods – CFO of Conoco Oil, over the pond – Today Show hosts. I babysat their kids. I was there when Mr. Michael Jackson had his terrible accident at Pepsi, and I saw personally what that CEO, his wife and son felt and went through. More importantly, I saw the effect it had on their only son who now donates all his time to helping disabled kids.
My father took me to the slums in Sau Paulo, Brazil where parents gave from what they didn’t even have because they felt the other need was greater. A brother in need – a brother because “he lived” – not related. Not conspicuous consumption.
My father grew up as one of eight children on a farm and if they got a football for Christmas – that was a good year. He never forgot his family, he never forgot his roots. He always gave – money, a smile, or encouragement, whatever the situation called for. Why? Because he believed in humanity…he believed that he could make a difference. He believed that every little kind word spoken would help the next guy up. Did my Dad go overboard on Christmas gifts? Hell yeah…cause he loved to give. He was the worst elf in the pack.
And speaking of giving, I have met foster kids who went on to achieve great things…why? Someone believed in them. Where did this belief come from? The home they were living in at the time – the foster parent who told them – they had a dream – listen to it – follow it.
I met a Kamikaze pilot who was strapped into his plane and ready to die for his country. The bombs dropped – he never took off. He told me and boy do I remember these words: I would have had no regrets…giving… that’s what you do.
So, when you think of giving…you need to expand your definition. Frankly, don’t imagine, “thinking outside the box” – imagine: there is no box.
And for many, many parents – there isn’t a box. And I believe this article is a travesty to all parents, children, and those who define giving as something other than a political definition.
Yet, the media would want you to believe that the problem is “out there somewhere”. It’s not. It’s with our advertising, our PR systems that promote gossip, and creating “what is beautiful”.
There are so many messages out there on what a “good parent” is…and I tell you – we don’t need that. Parents, by and large, sacrifice for their kids, they want them to succeed, and they want them to have a better life. They put gifts away on lay-away plans. They go to every football game, every soccer game, make cookies, sell gift-wrap and most importantly, hug them when they have had a bad day at school. No – I don’t believe for a minute, rich or poor, that parents on a whole are spoiling their children. The 99% is NOT being recognized in the media. Why? It doesn’t sell.
Something Needs to Change
In the State of Colorado, the protection of children is relegated to a department called the Office of the Child’s Representative (OCR). It was founded by a wise women, Theresa Spahn. Her vision was to provide all the protection and care that these children needed. Cost did not matter to her because she saw that the worth of a child cannot be measured. As Louis Pasteur stated: “When I approach a child, he inspires in me two sentiments - tenderness for what he is, and respect for what he may become.”
There are many who work with children in this state who carry this mantra. They take kids out to lunch, take them hiking, fishing, or even to an animal shelter. They are trying to connect these kids to life…a life they have never known because of their family situation. And, believe it or not, they don’t bill the state for these activities…they do it because they care about these kids…about the future. I am one of those people.
I remember a story that I can never tell without breaking into muffled tears about a little boy who lost his mom in third grade. His father was grief-stricken because he loved his wife and didn’t know how to care for his son. The son got behind on schooling, his clothes weren’t freshly cleaned as the other kids, and in class he was pulling into himself and becoming more withdrawn. But…his teacher noticed his behavior and took this lad under her wing. She helped him with homework (as the father was working longer hours to cope with his grief)….at the end of the year, all the kids gave the teacher a “good-bye” gift. But this little boy didn’t have a gift for this teacher who consoled him during the loss of his mom. So, the little boy wrapped up a half-empty perfume bottle and gave it to his teacher. His teacher noticing that the contents weren’t all there, wondered what this was all about and asked the little boy…he told her: “that was the perfume my mom wore and you remind me of her”. Well, this broke the teacher’s heart and she stayed with him throughout his elementary school years. And the two kept in touch over the years. And when this young man got married, this teacher was his “mom” at his wedding.
And it is stories like this that have people like me work with kids in this field.
Children need to have a voice and support. Unfortunately, I don’t believe state bureaucrats understand the connection we make to each child and the family we serve.
At the end of the day, children are the future. But when newly appointed managers of the OCR who are only interested in their bottom line and gaining political recognition nip at the heels of those who know the way....the only question I have for them is : I can smell the perfume...can you?
Why the Proposed Keystone XL Pipeline Should be Stopped
Letter to the Editor of the Denver Post, August 27, 2011:
Why the Proposed Keystone XL Pipeline Should Be Stopped
The proposed Keystone XL pipeline will unravel creation as we know it. This project would transport extremely toxic tar sands oil 1,700 miles from Alberta, Canada through the middle of the US heartland to the Texas Gulf coast for refining. W.S. Merwin, US Poet Laureate, has said that “humans aren’t being true to themselves and are cutting back on their own chances for survival by failing to take care of other life and the planet.” By allowing this pipeline to be built, we will be doing just that.
Tar sands production is one of the most destructive strip mining techniques on earth and results in deforestation, habitat loss, ground water contamination, and pillaging of native lands. On top of that, pollution from tar sands oil greatly eclipses that of conventional oil. During tar sands oil production alone, levels of carbon dioxide emissions are three times higher than those of conventional oil, due to more energy-intensive extraction and refining processes. The Keystone XL pipeline would carry 900,000 barrels of dirty tar sands oil into the United States daily, doubling our country's reliance on it and resulting in climate-damaging emissions equal to adding more than six million new cars to U.S. roads.
Those oil barons (the Koch Brothers) and the fossil fuel industries are pushing for early approval of this pipeline, demanding that it be fast-tracked by creating a November, 2011 approval deadline for President Obama. Environmental impact studies have only received lip service. This is not surprising considering that the company spearheading the Keystone project, TransCanada, has helpfully hired Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s former deputy national campaign director as its principal lobbyist.
The proponents for this project are preying on America’s economic woes, stating that this pipeline will create jobs. However, environmental groups have obtained documents from this industry indicating that the promise of jobs is little more than a shell game. The jobs aren’t there unless you look at how many people will be needed to clean up the spills from allowing this pipeline to be built. And after looking at the Exxon Valdez spill, the Deepwater Horizon spill, and the Kalamazoo spill, we know that this industry underestimates the size of their spills and leaves before their mess is cleaned up.
The presidents of the Amalgamated Transit Union (ATU) and the Transport Workers Union (TWU) are calling on the State Department to NOT approve the construction of the Keystone XL pipeline or to take any actions that lead to the further extraction of Tar Sands Oil from Alberta, Canada. They have said that “we need jobs, but not the ones based on increasing our reliance on Tar Sands Oil.” The Farmers Union also opposes this pipeline because of the ground water contamination and the harm it would cause farmers in America’s heartland.
At a time when America needs to reduce its reliance on oil and to protect our national security interests and the environment for future generations, the Keystone XL pipeline would keep our country addicted to this unsustainable and highly polluting fuel even longer. Jim Hansen, the world’s leading climate scientist, whose warnings 10 years ago and now being experiencing today, has predicted that if the proposed Keystone XL pipeline goes through, it’s GAME OVER for us.
We all have a voice in this. Your children and your grandchildren need to know that you spoke up for them at this critical time in our nation’s history. John Sawhill might have said it best: “a society is defined by not only what it creates, but by what it refuses to destroy.”
Don’t let the proposed Keystone XL pipeline destroy what has made us great as a nation. Please go to http://www.change.org/petitions/stop-the-tar-sands-oil-keystone-xl-pipeline and sign the petition to let President Obama know that you are counting on him to fulfill the promises he made to you and your offspring.
Sincerely,
Kelli Malcolm, Esq.